Over the last month, I’ve pursued old and new ways to find enjoyment in my adult life. July started out with the bold ambition of having my partner teach me Ruby on Rails; it’s a computer programming language that has proven beneficial in my household. Wowza, so stressful. It’s one thing to have a tutor glaring down at you; it’s way more intense when it’s your spouse! Two weeks after the initial start we realized it wasn’t working for either of us.
This coincided with putting our oldest into daycare, he hated it. Talk about grueling; every morning ‘I don’t want to go. I don’t like it there.’ Broke my heart. We called mulligan on that, too, scraping a month long plan. It just felt like all the things were wrong. Learning Ruby wasn’t going well. The toddler was extremely unhappy. He spent all his extra time telling us about what he didn’t want to do. I had connected with some mom groups in Reno, maybe I had abandoned them too quickly. Let’s give it another try.
The morning started out with the now very common daycare diatribe. I called the provider and cut ties; back to full time mom of two. As a family we went grocery shopping then ate pizza at the park. It was a good morning. Later that afternoon, our fist choice center called and said they had a surprise opening starting on Monday. We just gave up, now what!?! Do we try again? There were still chips to throw down, so much to discuss. So many un-turned stones. As parents, we talked through it. What did we think we could get out of it? How could it be beneficial?
I still wanted to prove myself, but at a mother’s pace. A mother’s pace includes child disruptions and the weight of the ‘mental load’. Duties as house manager come first, taking precedent over my desires to learn a new skill or make money. While rigorously studying the house went feral. It drove me crazy while I was trying to be focused on learning. So, regroup: I work on house stuff while the younger is awake. I work on me stuff while he sleeps like blogging and learning to code. While the older is at the center I can do house business and focus on what makes me happy. He likes this set up more. No tears today- first day of week 2. I met a few moms who are interested in coming over once a week to work. I’m excited to see where it goes.